Jack and David
by Bobcatslashgoil
Summary: A parody of Romeo and Juliet, starring Jack and David. Slash(obviously). Very humorous.
1. Act One

Jack and David  
By Aguachica  
  
Summary: Slash. A Newsies parody of Romeo and Juliet, featuring Jack and David. Agua has rewritten Shakespeare! Kinda. . . *looks at people in distance waving torches and yelling "Burn the Heretic".* I think maybe now would be a good time for me to move.. . .  
  
CAST: David Jacobs: Juliet Capulet Meyer Jacobs: Capulet Esther Jacobs: Lady Capulet Skittery: Tybalt Kid Blink: Other Capulet Specs: Other Capulet  
  
Jack Kelly: Romeo Montague Kloppman: Montague Racetrack: Benvolio Mush: Mercutio Bumlets: Other Montague Snitch: Other Montague  
  
Sarah Jacobs: Nurse Snyder: Prince Bryan Denton: Friar Lawrence Spot Conlon: Paris Les Jacobs: Montague Servant  
  
~~Prologue/Disclaimer~~  
  
Agua:  
  
Two classes, both clashing in dignity,  
  
In unfair Manhattan, where we lay our scene,  
  
From unreasonable grudge comes proud mutiny,  
  
Where all life deems all other life unclean.  
  
From this story forth a writer makes her foes  
  
As pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;  
  
A writer heard the One she overthrows  
  
As Master rolls in his grave with strife.  
  
The fearful passage of their deadly, forbidden love,  
  
And the continuance of their city's rage,  
  
Which not even their citizen martyrs could remove,  
  
Is now the many-paged traffic of this website;  
  
Hear me now, kind reader; with patient ears attend,  
  
I do not own Newsies; something which I hope to mend.  
  
~~ ACT ONE-SCENE ONE~~  
  
*enter BLINK and DUTCHY, of the house of Jacobs, armed with sticks*  
  
BLINK: I'm bored. Let's fight.  
  
DUTCHY: But with whom?  
  
BLINK: Who else do we pick on, bonehead? The Kellys, of course.  
  
DUTCHY: Oh. Of course.  
  
SPECS: Why, if I saw a Kelly right now, I'd spit on them.  
  
*enter BUMLETS and SNITCH*  
  
BLINK: PATOOIEE!  
  
SNITCH: Ewww. . .  
  
*SNITCH wipes spit off of his face*  
  
BUMLETS: Do you spit on us, newsboy?  
  
BLINK: I do spit, newsboy.  
  
SNITCH: I could have told you that. . .  
  
BUMLETS: Do you spit on us?  
  
BLINK: *To DUTCHY* Would the bulls be on our side if I say yes?  
  
DUTCHY: No.  
  
BLINK: *to BUMLETS and SNITCH* I do not spit at you, but I do spit. Maybe in your general direction, but not AT you.  
  
BUMLETS: You lookin' for a soakin'?  
  
DUTCHY: *to BLINK* I see reinforcements coming.  
  
BLINK: Yes, we will fight.  
  
BUMLETS: DIE!  
  
*they fight.*  
  
*SKITTERY enters*  
  
SKITTERY: Stop that!  
  
*enter RACETRACK*  
  
RACETRACK: Hey, you! Glum and Dumb! I'm gonna kill you!  
  
SKITTERY: No, you dimwit! Don't fight me! Make those four stop fighting.  
  
RACETRACK: What? Are you a coward?  
  
SKITTERY: No. . .  
  
RACETRACK: Yeah right. *snickers*  
  
*they fight*  
  
*enter others from Kellys and Jacobs.*  
  
*enter citizens who attack the newsboys from both sides*  
  
CITIZENS: Can't honest citizens get any rest around here anymore? Stop disturbing the peace!  
  
*enter SNYDER*  
  
*they stop fighting*  
  
SNYDER: If there are any more fights between the Kellys and the Jacobs, I will KILL the people who started it. And I do not mean the figuratively. Do you understand me?  
  
NEWSIES: Yes sir!  
  
RACETRACK: I think I'll go find Jack. He owes me money.  
  
*JACK enters*  
  
RACETRACK: Hello, Jack. Isn't it a nice day?  
  
JACK: I'll give you the money later. I spent it on beer.  
  
RACETRACK: This concerns me, cousin. You have not been yourself lately. What's up?  
  
JACK: My girl, Rosie, dumped me.  
  
RACETRACK: Tough luck. But there are plenty of fish in the sea, Jack. You just have to wait for the right one.  
  
JACK: I don't feel any better. . .  
  
RACETRACK: Sooo. . . Have you checked out any other girls lately?  
  
JACK: I don't want to check out other girls! I want Rosie!  
  
RACETRACK: I'll make you forget her.  
  
JACK: Yeah right. I'd like to see you try.  
  
RACETRACK: Wanna bet on that?  
  
*END SCENE*  
  
~~ACT ONE SCENE TWO~~  
  
*The Jacobs apartment. enter MRS JACOBS and MR JACOBS*  
  
MRS JACOBS: I think it's time David met some nice girls. Don't you think?  
  
MR JACOBS: Yes, dear.  
  
*MR JACOBS goes back to reading newspaper*  
  
MRS JACOBS: What about having a party? We could rent Irving Hall. Wouldn't that be nice?  
  
MR JACOBS: Yes, dear.  
  
*MR JACOBS doesn't even look up from his paper*  
  
MRS JACOBS: I'm so glad you agree, dear! Les! Take this list and invite these people.  
  
*MRS JACOBS gives long list to LES* LES: Sure, Mama! I'll be right back!  
  
*LES runs out to the street.*  
  
LES: Oops. I haven't learned to read yet.  
  
*Enter RACETRACK and JACK*  
  
JACK: Race, I don't feel any better.  
  
RACETRACK: But Jack! We've been walking around looking at all the girls, and you're still not happy? Are you mad?  
  
JACK: I feel. . . shut up. Like I'm locked in the Refuge, but I can't break free.  
  
LES: 'scuse me, could you read this to me?  
  
JACK: What's this?  
  
LES: A party list for Mama's party at Irving Hall.  
  
JACK: What is your Mama's name?  
  
LES: Esther Jacobs.  
  
JACK: I can't read. Scram, kid.  
  
*LES exits*  
  
JACK: Race, did you see that list? Rosie's going to be at the party.  
  
RACETRACK: Let's sneak in. I'm sure Mrs. Jacobs won't mind.  
  
JACK: Yeah, I'm sure she won't.  
  
*END SCENE*  
  
~~ACT ONE SCENE THREE~~  
  
*enter MRS JACOBS and SARAH*  
  
MRS JACOBS: Sarah, where is your Brother, David?  
  
SARAH: Davey! Get over here!  
  
*enter DAVID*  
  
DAVID: Who wants me?  
  
SARAH: Mother. And she's the only one.  
  
DAVID: What do you want, mama?  
  
MRS JACOBS: Sarah, will you leave us for awhile?  
  
DAVID: Yeah, Sarah. And don't come back.  
  
MRS JACOBS: David, be nice to your sister. Now David, how do you feel about getting married?  
  
DAVID: Very poorly. . .  
  
SARAH: This will be amusing. . .  
  
DAVID: Shut up, Sarah. And why are you still here, anyways?  
  
MRS JACOBS: David! Be nice! We are going to find you a wife at the party at Irving Hall.  
  
DAVID: I think I'll pass, Mama.  
  
MRD JACOBS: That wasn't a question.  
  
DAVID: Darn it! I mean, Yes Mama.  
  
SARAH: Ha, Davey has to get married. Can I have his room?  
  
MRS JACOBS: Yes, dear.  
  
*END SCENE*  
  
~~ACT ONE SCENE FOUR~~  
  
*enter JACK and RACETRACK and MUSH*  
  
MUSH: So we're just going to crash the party? Just like that? What if we get caught?  
  
RACETRACK: We won't.  
  
MUSH: But what if we do?  
  
RACETRACK: We'll only be there for a short while. What tragedy could happen withIn an hour or so?  
  
JACK: The mind boggles.  
  
RACETRACK: I see you are taking my side.  
  
JACK: I take no side but Rosie's.  
  
MUSH: *to RACETRACK* You're right; he's got it bad.  
  
RACETRACK: Pay up.  
  
MUSH: *pays Racetrack a quarter*  
  
JACK: We're here. I thin we should put on masks. I mean, it IS a costume party and all. Plus, I don't think they'd like it is they recognized us.  
  
MUSH: Really? You think not?  
  
JACK: Right.  
  
*END SCENE*  
  
~~ACT ONE SCENE FIVE~~  
  
*enter MR JACOBS and DAVID*  
  
MR JACOBS: David, have you met Jay yet? She is a very nice girl! I'm sure the two of you could get along very well.  
  
DAVID: Dad, how can I meet anyone if you're dragging me around all the time? Let me meet the girls myself!  
  
MR JACOBS: As you wish, David. But try not to do anything stupid, okay?  
  
DAVID: Yeah, whatever.  
  
*DAVID walks around*  
  
JACK: *to RACETRACK* Race, I think I'm in love!  
  
RACETRACK: *follows JACK'S gaze* But Jack! That's a guy!  
  
JACK: I know.  
  
RACETRACK: But that's a GUY! A MAN! A MALE!  
  
JACK: *dreamily* I know. . .  
  
RACETRACK: I'll. . . uh. . . see you in a while, Jack. Okay?  
  
*RACETRACK exits*  
  
JACK: I know.  
  
*JACK stops LES, who is passing by*  
  
JACK: Who is that boy over there?  
  
LES: That's my brother, David. He's older.  
  
JACK: Really? That's very interesting.  
  
SKITTERY: *hears JACK* HEY! What's a Kelly doing here? MRS. JACOBS!  
  
MRS JACOBS: Skittery! What are you yelling about? Yelling might spoil my David's party.  
  
SKITTERY: But there's a Kelly here! A Jack Kelly! That scoundrel!  
  
MRS JACOBS: Now, you mustn't spoil little David's party by killing him! Let him go!  
  
SKITTERY: Yes, Mr. Jacobs.  
  
*SKITTERY exits, fuming*  
  
JACK: So, you're David?  
  
DAVID: Yes.  
  
JACK: You are beautiful. I like you.  
  
DAVID: You're handsome. I like you too.  
  
SARAH: Davey! Mama wants to talk to you!  
  
JACK: Who's his mother?  
  
SARAH: Mrs. Esther Jacobs.  
  
JACK: Oops. This isn't looking good.  
  
RACETRACK: I think we should leave now. . .  
  
JACK: You could have said that BEFORE I fell in love with the oldest son of the Jacobs, couldn't you?  
  
*All leave, except for DAVID and SARAH*  
  
SARAH: So, did you meet anyone interesting?  
  
DAVID: Hey Sarah, just out of curiosity, of course, who was that guy I was talking to?  
  
SARAH: So you finally figured it out?  
  
DAVID: Huh?  
  
SARAH: That you like guys. I have, of course, known that for years.  
  
DAVID: So, what's his name? Is he married? What's his favorite color?  
  
SARAH: His name is Jack Kelly. He's with the Kellys. You know, the people we don't like?  
  
DAVID: Oops. This isn't looking good.  
  
*END SCENE* 


	2. Act Two

~~ACT TWO-SCENE ONE~~  
  
*enter JACK*  
  
JACK: Here I come, Juliet!  
  
*JACK climbs up the JACOB'S fire escape*  
  
*enter RACETRACK and MUSH*  
  
RACETRACK: Jack! Where are you?  
  
MUSH: Maybe he went home to the Lodging House.  
  
RACETRACK: No, I think he came this way to find David.  
  
MUSH: In that case, he's a goner.  
  
RACETRACK: You're right; let's go.  
  
*RACETRACK and MUSH exit*  
  
*END SCENE*  
  
~~ACT TWO-SCENE TWO~~  
  
*enter JACK*  
  
JACK: Race and Mush are bums.  
  
*DAVID appears at his window*  
  
JACK: Gee, he's pretty. . .  
  
DAVID: What a day.  
  
JACK: He speaks! His voice is so beautiful. . .  
  
DAVID: Jack, where are you? Now that I think of it, I never really liked the name Jacobs that much.  
  
JACK: Maybe I should speak up sometime soon.  
  
DAVID: Jack, Kelly doesn't fit you, really. You can give up that name, and I'll give up mine, and we can be together!  
  
JACK: Will do!  
  
DAVID: Who is that?  
  
JACK: Well, I don't really have a name right now, mostly because I gave it up about one and a half minutes ago.  
  
DAVID: Jack? Is that you?  
  
JACK: Well, I was Jack, unless you still want me to be Jack.  
  
DAVID: But if I didn't call you Jack, what would I call you?  
  
JACK: I dunno. I guess you can call me Jack.  
  
DAVID: But how did you get up here?  
  
JACK: I climbed. . .  
  
DAVID: Oh. . .  
  
JACK: I love you.  
  
DAVID: I love you too.  
  
SARAH: David!  
  
DAVID: I must go, Jack. But I will be back in a second!  
  
*DAVID slams window shut, unfortunately on JACK'S fingers*  
  
JACK: Owch. At least now I wouldn't try to leave, even if I wanted to.  
  
*DAVID reenters, opening window*  
  
JACK: Thank God you're back.  
  
DAVID: Sorry, Jack. Jack, I've got to go. May I ask you something?  
  
JACK: Anything.  
  
DAVID: Will you ask me to marry you?  
  
JACK: Huh?  
  
DAVID: Think about it and tell me tomorrow. Bye, love.  
  
*DAVID closes the window, this time avoiding JACK'S fingers. JACK sits and absorbs this new information.*  
  
JACK: Gee. . . Marriage. . .  
  
*DAVID reenters*  
  
DAVID: Jack, what time tomorrow do you want to get married?  
  
JACK: Uh. . . Nine works for me.  
  
DAVID: Sounds good. Good night, dear.  
  
JACK: Good night.  
  
*JACK and DAVID exit*  
  
*END SCENE*  
  
~~ACT TWO-SCENE THREE~~  
  
DENTON(Friar Lawrence): Whew! It sure is hard collecting flowers in the middle of Manhattan, New York!  
  
JACK: Good Morning, Denton.  
  
DENTON: Jack! It's good to see you! Oh! Who's the lucky girl? Was it that Rosie?  
  
JACK: Who's Rosie?  
  
DENTON: Maybe not. So who is it?  
  
JACK: I am in love with my worst enemy.  
  
DENTON: You mean the Jacobs' daughter, Sarah?  
  
JACK: No, I mean the Jacobs' son, David. We need an authority to marry us. Will you?  
  
DENTON: Of course, Jack! What time?  
  
JACK: Nine o'clock tomorrow, sharp. Don't be late.  
  
*JACK exits*  
  
DENTON: *wipes a tear from his eye* I do love weddings!  
  
*DENTON exits*  
  
*END SCENE*  
  
~~ACT TWO- SCENE FOUR~~  
  
*enter RACETRACK and MUSH*  
  
RACETRACK: Where's Jack? Didn't he check in last night?  
  
MUSH: Nope. I asked Kloppman. He didn't.  
  
RACETRACK: Did you hear that Skittery, that Jacobs guy, challenged Jack?  
  
MUSH: And Jack's gonna answer it, isn't he?  
  
RACETRACK: Yep, but after all that Rosie whining, Jack's not in that great of shape. I'm betting on Skittery.  
  
MUSH: Is Skittery that good?  
  
RACETRACK: They call him the Prince of Cats. He can fight good. That good.  
  
MUSH: Can I bet on Skittery too?  
  
*enter JACK*  
  
RACETRACK: Hey, Jack. You sure slipped away from us last night! Where were you?  
  
JACK: Go away. You bother me.  
  
RACETRACK: Ow, that hurt. NOT!  
  
*JACK, RACETRACK, and MUSH argue a lot*  
  
*enter SARAH and LES*  
  
MUSH: *gags at the sight of SARAH*  
  
RACETRACK: Dear me, has the sewer backed up again?  
  
SARAH: *glares* Stupid apes.  
  
JACK: Hey, guys, cut it out.  
  
SARAH: Thanks.  
  
JACK: Do you have any news, Sarah?  
  
MUSH: You know the old maid?  
  
JACK: Bye, Race and Mush. *pulls out knife*  
  
*exit RACE and MUSH*  
  
SARAH: Who were they?  
  
JACK: Oh, just newsies who like to hear themselves talk.  
  
SARAH: I could have guessed that much. Les, why didn't you make them stop? Mother said that you were to protect me.  
  
LES: But. . . But they were bigger than I am, and I only have a wooden sword!  
  
SARAH: *to JACK* So are you going to treat my little brother well?  
  
JACK: What happens if I don't?  
  
SARAH: I will hunt you down and neuter you with a toothpick.  
  
JACK: *gulps* I promise he will be treated well.  
  
SARAH: I thought you might say that. David will be quite pleased.  
  
JACK: Tell David that Denton has agreed to marry us. We will marry tomorrow at nine.  
  
SARAH: Where shall I tell him to go?  
  
JACK: To Denton's office. He has all his materials there.  
  
SARAH: David will be pleased.  
  
JACK: Take this penny as my thanks.  
  
SARAH: No really,  
  
JACK: I insist.  
  
SARAH: *grabs penny* Well, when you put it that way. . .  
  
SARAH: Oh, by the way, David picked out some flowers for the wedding. *SARAH hands JACK flowers*  
  
JACK: How pretty! They're black and the vase says R.I.P. on it! Could this be a sign?  
  
*SARAH and LES exit*  
  
*END SCENE*  
  
~~ACT TWO-SCENE FIVE~~  
  
*enter DAVID*  
  
DAVID: Where is Sarah? I sent her and Les to find Jack, the love of my life, and hour ago! What if something went wrong? What if he left? What if- Oh! There she is! Sarah, what did he say?  
  
*enter SARAH and LES*  
  
SARAH: Les, go find mother.  
  
*exit LES*  
  
DAVID: Sarah, why do you look so sad? Is Jack okay?  
  
SARAH: I am tired from running all over Manhattan. Let me rest awhile.  
  
DAVID: *DAVID'S eyes are starting to bulge* Tell me!  
  
SARAH: I don't have enough breath to talk right now.  
  
DAVID: *DAVID grabs SARAH'S neck* You won't have enough breath to LIVE if you don't tell me right now!  
  
SARAH: Okay, okay! Calm down! That Jack is very good-looking, isn't he?  
  
DAVID: I know that! I'm engaged to him! Now tell me what he said!  
  
SARAH: All right! Calm down! How can I be related to someone so impatient? Go see Bryan Denton. He will marry you to Jack.  
  
DAVID: But Bryan Denton is a reporter, not a priest!  
  
SARAH: You know, if this is all the gratitude I get for running your errands for you, you can go next time! *SARAH exits*  
  
DAVID: I wonder what I should wear?  
  
*DAVID exits*  
  
*END SCENE*  
  
~~ACT TWO-SCENE SIX~~  
  
*enter DENTON and JACK*  
  
DENTON: What a beautiful day for a wedding! I hope everything turns out all right!  
  
JACK: I don't care what happens, as long as David is mine! As long as we're together, nothing can go wrong.  
  
*enter DAVID*  
  
DENTON: Ah, here is the fair bride! Or would that be groom? Can you have a wedding without a bride?  
  
DAVID: *DAVID ignores DENTON* Jack! My love!  
  
JACK: David! My love!  
  
DENTON: *feeling left out* Okay, let's start the wedding! Jack, do you take this man to be your. . . uh. . . significant other?  
  
JACK: Sigawhat?  
  
DAVID: He does, and so do I.  
  
DENTON: By the power of the press, I pronounce you man and man.  
  
*END SCENE* SHOUTOUTS:  
  
TO THELONEREED:  
  
Aguachica: I'm glad you liked it. My class had to read Romeo and Juliet last year, that's why I'm making fun of it now. It was pure torture, especially the tests we had to take. I feel for you.  
  
Jack!muse: You mean you aren't writing this just because you like to see me and Davey together? *lip quivers*  
  
Aguachica: Correct. Now go make out or something.  
  
Jack!muse: *happier* Okay! *drags David!muse off*  
  
TO NAKAIA AIDAN-SUN:  
  
Aguachica: I'm so glad you reviewed! Don't be too sad about Blink and Mush being on opposite sides. After all, this is me, isn't it? Being on opposite sides couldn't stop me!  
  
Blink!muse: *pats Nakaia on her shoulder* There, there. Don't worry. After all, Jack and David are on the opposite sides too, and that doesn't stop them, does it?  
  
Mush!muse: Wild fangirls couldn't stop Agua there from putting us together. Just wait and see!  
  
Aguachica: Mush! Don't give away the secret!  
  
Mush!muse: Sorry. *sniffle*  
  
Blink!muse: How could you? *cuddles Mush*  
  
Aguachica: *bangs head against wall* 


	3. Act 3

~~ACT THREE-SCENE ONE~~  
  
*enter MUSH and RACETRACK and OTHER KELLYS*  
  
RACETRACK: I am bored, and there are Jacobs around. We'll get into a fight if we stay here.  
  
MUSH: You fight too much.  
  
RACETRACK: You think?  
  
MUSH: You're as moody as any newsie in Manhattan.  
  
RACETRACK: So?  
  
MUSH: So you're glum and dumb.  
  
RACETRACK: You aren't brilliant yourself.  
  
RACETRACK: Oh look! Here come some Jacobs!  
  
MUSH: Oh look! I don't care!  
  
*enter SKITTERY and OTHER JACOBS*  
  
SKITTERY: *to OTHER JACOBS* I will talk to them. Watch me.  
  
SKITTERY: *to MUSH and RACETRACK* May I have a word with one of you two bums for a moment?  
  
MUSH: Are you sure you wouldn't like to make that a word and a fight with TWO bums?  
  
SKITTERY: Careful, or I might just take you up on that.  
  
MUSH: What, are you a coward?  
  
SKITTERY: Mush, you talk to Jack often, right?  
  
MUSH: Yes, why?  
  
RACETRACK: Let's go someplace else to talk. It is too dangerous here.  
  
MUSH: No, we can talk here.  
  
*enter JACK*  
  
SKITTERY: Here he comes now! Hey Jack, you're not only stupid, you're ugly too. And a villain. Let's fight.  
  
JACK: I do not want to fight you, Skittery.  
  
SKITTERY: But Kellys have always fought Jacobs.  
  
JACK: I dunno. I guess Jacobs aren't as bad as they used to be. I actually like that name almost as much as my own.  
  
RACETRACK: *draws knife* Traitor! Skittery, let's go somewhere else. And it will be a fight to the death. I will take one of your lives, King of Cats.  
  
SKITTERY: *draws knife* No, I think you shall not!  
  
JACK: Racetrack! Put away your knife!  
  
*SKITTERY and RACETRACK fight*  
  
JACK: Wait! We are forbidden to fight in the streets of Manhattan! Stop!  
  
*SKITTERY stabs RACETRACK and flees*  
  
JACK: Racetrack! Are you hurt?  
  
RACETRACK: No, It is only a scratch. Someone call a doctor. Quickly.  
  
JACK: Is it that bad?  
  
RACETRACK: *feebly joking* It is not as deep as the Bay, and not as wide as the Lodging House door, but it will do. Mush, help me back to the Lodging House. I don't feel very well.  
  
*exit RACETRACK and MUSH*  
  
JACK: How dare Skittery hurt Racetrack? How dare he?  
  
*enter MUSH*  
  
MUSH: Jack! Racetrack is dead! He bled to death before we reached the Lodging House.  
  
JACK: No!  
  
MUSH: Look, here comes Skittery again. He looks angry.  
  
JACK: Doesn't he always?  
  
*enter SKITTERY*  
  
JACK: Skittery's soul will keep Racetrack's company.  
  
SKITTERY: Out of my way, wretch.  
  
JACK: *draws knife* You shall pay for Racetrack's death!  
  
*JACK and SKITTERY fight. SKITTERY falls*  
  
MUSH: Jack! You killed Skittery! You must run; the bulls will catch you! Hide!  
  
JACK: Why me?  
  
MUSH: Why are you just standing there? Go!  
  
*exit JACK*  
  
*enter CITIZENS*  
  
CITIZEN: Where is Skittery? The one who is responsible for Racetrack's death? Racetrack owed me money.  
  
MUSH: Skittery lies there.  
  
CITIZEN: Come with me. Snyder will want to talk with you, I'm sure. You are under citizen's arrest.  
  
*enter SNYDER, MR AND MRS JACOBS, AND KLOPPMAN*  
  
SNYDER: Who started this mess?  
  
MUSH: Jack Kelly killed Skittery for killing his friend, Rcetrack.  
  
MRS. JACOBS: Oh Skittery! My brother's son! And a Kelly killed him!  
  
SNYDER: Boy, who started this?  
  
MUSH: Skittery started the fight. Jack asked him not to, but he fought and killed Racetrack. Jack sought revenge and killed Skittery.  
  
MRS. JACOBS: I want justice! Jack killed Skittery! Jack must die for this crime!  
  
SNYDER: Jack killed Skittery, Skittery killed Racetrack. Who is at fault?  
  
KLOPPMAN: The fault is with who started the fight: Skittery.  
  
SNYDER: It is decided. Jack shall be exiled, not condemned to death. We will have mercy upon him if he leaves Manhattan within an hour.  
  
*END SCENE*  
  
~~ACT THREE-SCENE TWO~~  
  
*enter DAVID*  
  
DAVID: Where is Sarah? She should be back with news of my beloved Jack by now! Oh Sarah, hurry back! I haven't heard from Jack for one whole day! I don't think I can take it any longer!  
  
*enter SARAH*  
  
DAVID: Sarah! Did you get the cords Jack told you to get? How is Jack?  
  
SARAH: Here are your stupid cords.  
  
*SARAH throws cords at DAVID*  
  
DAVID: What's wrong, Sarah?  
  
SARAH: He's dead! He's been killed! He is dead, David, and we are ruined, This cannot be. I must sit down.  
  
DAVID: What? It cannot be!  
  
SARAH: Who would have thought! Jack! No!  
  
DAVID: Oh Jack! What happened? Did Jack kill himself? Tell me what happened, Sarah!  
  
*DAVID sinks to the ground*  
  
SARAH: *in shock* I saw him. . . Blood all over. . . So pale. . . It was horrible!  
  
DAVID: My heart shall never mend! I shall die without my Jack!  
  
SARAH: Oh poor Skittery!  
  
DAVID: What? I have lost both my husband and my cousin? In one night? This cannot be true!  
  
SARAH: No, brother! Jack killed Skittery, and he has been exiled!  
  
*DAVID slowly stands*  
  
*DAVID grabs SARAH by her throat*  
  
DAVID: Why *shake* Didn't *shake* You *shake* Say *shake* This *shake* Before? *shake shake shake*  
  
SARAH: Ack! David!  
  
*DAVID releases SARAH*  
  
DAVID: Sorry. . .  
  
SARAH: Sheesh. What a shame Jack is! He was a terrible influence on you!  
  
DAVID: Jack is not shameful! He may be an honorable villan, at the very least. And a very handsome one at that!  
  
SARAH: But he killed Skittery!  
  
DAVID: Yes, but he is my husband! We've already been married for three hours and forty-seven minutes and fifty-six seconds. That demands loyalty, you know! By the way, where's mom and dad?  
  
SARAH: They are at Skittery's funeral. They are most upset.  
  
DAVID: Let them go. I think I will go to bed and die, now. Jack didn't even wait until our wedding night to get exiled! Now that's cruel!  
  
SARAH: You're pathetic. . . and gross. Very well. I'll find Jack for you. Just stay alive until I get back.  
  
*SARAH exits, rubbing neck*  
  
DAVID: Tell Jack I have a very special goodbye present for him!  
  
*SARAH gags*  
  
*END SCENE*  
  
~~ACT THREE-SCENE THREE~~  
  
JACK: So, Denton, am I dead yet?  
  
DENTON: Actually, no. You are only exiled. Consider yourself lucky.  
  
JACK: No! Can't I try again for a death sentence?  
  
DENTON: There are plenty of other places besides New York, you know.  
  
JACK: Are not.  
  
DENTON: Are too.  
  
JACK: There is not place without David. The beauty of all places dulls when not lighted by him. He is my life, and I could never leave him. Exile is worse than death!  
  
DENTON: You're crazy. Now let me speak.  
  
JACK: No! You'll only tell me exile is okay!  
  
DENTON: Correct. It isn't the end of your life, you know.  
  
JACK: Oh yes it is without David!  
  
DENTON: It seems crazy people have no ears.  
  
JACK: It seems stupid reporters have no eyes.  
  
DENTON: Good one.  
  
JACK: Thanks.  
  
*there is a knock on the door*  
  
DENTON: Jack! Run and hide in the closet!  
  
*JACK collapses to the floor and weeps*  
  
DENTON: Pathetic. . .  
  
*DENTON opens the door and SARAH enters*  
  
SARAH: Where's Jack?  
  
DENTON: See that wet lump on the floor making wimpering noises?  
  
SARAH: Yes?  
  
DENTON: That's Jack.  
  
SARAH: Really? I have an identical lump back at my house making the same noises! We could make them a matched pair!  
  
*JACK crawls over to SARAH*  
  
JACK: Must. . . *whimper* have. . . David! *snuffle*  
  
SARAH: What a wimp. . . No wonder they were attracted to each other. David only cries your name.  
  
JACK: Does he hate me? I'd die if he hated me! *draws knife*  
  
DENTON: Jack, be a man and stop blubbering! And do put away that sword!  
  
SARAH: What good advice! Jack, David does not hate you. In fact, he wants you to come over so he can give you a good-bye "present". I think your perverted mind can figure out what it is.  
  
*JACK drools*  
  
*SARAH gags again and exits*  
  
*JACK drools more and heads to DAVID'S house. Quickly.*  
  
DENTON: They're disgusting. I don't even see why I am helping them become even worse.  
  
*DENTON exits*  
  
*end scene*  
  
~~ACT THREE-SCENE FOUR~~  
  
*enter MR AND MRS JACOBS and SPOT CONLON*  
  
MR JACOBS: I am so glad you are agreeing to marry David. He has been quite distressed over his cousin Skittery's death and a good marriage is just the thing to cheer him up!  
  
SPOT CONLON: Have you told him yet?  
  
MRS JACOBS: I will mention it to him in the morning.  
  
MR JACOBS: No, tell him tonight! He'll be so pleased! What day is today?  
  
SPOT CONLON: Monday.  
  
MR JACOBS: You will be married on Wednesday. No, Wednesday is too soon after Skittery's death. How about Thursday?  
  
SPOT CONLON: It's good for me.  
  
MR JACOBS: Thursday it is! Now Esther, why don't you go tell little David he's getting married to Spot Conlon?  
  
MRS JACOBS: Yes dear.  
  
*MRS JACOBS exits*  
  
*END SCENE*  
  
~~ACT THREE-SCENE FIVE~~  
  
*enter JACK and DAVID*  
  
DAVID: Are you leaving so soon?  
  
JACK: Dear, I must be gone and live or stay and die.  
  
DAVID: I think I'm pregnant.  
  
JACK: . . .  
  
DAVID: Just kidding.  
  
JACK: Never do that to me again, David. If you ever do that again, I will divorce you. And I mean it.  
  
DAVID: It is not yet day. You don't need to leave yet. Won't you say a little longer. . . For me?  
  
JACK: Who cares about death? I'll die happy here.  
  
DAVID: No, it is daylight. You need to go! Be gone!  
  
JACK: I'll never understand men. One moment they beg you to stay, and the next they tell you to go. Men are so confusing.  
  
*enter SARAH*  
  
SARAH: Hey, David?  
  
DAVID: Yes?  
  
SARAH: Mom is coming. I wouldn't be caught in here with Jack if I were you.  
  
DAVID: Quick, Jack! Go out the window!  
  
JACK: One more kiss.  
  
*DAVID and JACK share one last steamy smooch, and JACK climbs out the window*  
  
DAVID: Do you think we'll ever meet again?  
  
JACK: Of course, David. True love is always together. Don't you read?  
  
*JACK exits*  
  
DAVID: Bye, lover-boy.  
  
MRS JACOBS: David! Are you awake?  
  
DAVID: Yes, mother. What is it?  
  
MRS JACOBS: How are you, David?  
  
DAVID: I don't feel very well.  
  
MRS JACOBS: Are you still crying over Skittery?  
  
DAVID: *under his breath* No, morning sickness.  
  
MRS JACOBS: What was that?  
  
DAVID: Yes, I am feeling much loss over him.  
  
MRS JACOBS: But even more loss that the villain who slaughtered him is still alive and free?  
  
DAVID: What villain?  
  
MRS JACOBS: Why that awful Jack Kelly. I knew that Kellys were no good.  
  
DAVID: He may be a villain, but I have forgiven him. But he still pains me.  
  
MRS JACOBS: Because he's a traitorous murderer?  
  
DAVID: If only I could get my hands on him!  
  
MRS JACOBS: Don't worry, dear. Soon, your father and I will make sure that he joins Skittery and keeps him company.  
  
DAVID: No, I want revenge. Find someone who can make me a poison.  
  
MRS JACOBS: Of course dear. That will be very nice. But now I have a surprise for you!  
  
DAVID: What?  
  
MRS JACOBS: Your father arranged something for you.  
  
DAVID: Tell me!  
  
MRS JACOBS: You will be getting married on Thursday! To that nice young man, Spot Conlon! Won't that be nice?  
  
DAVID: No, I cannot marry Spot! I will not marry anyone, and when I do marry, it will be the one I hate, Jack Kelly!  
  
MRS JACOBS: Why don't you tell that to your father? Here he is now.  
  
*enter MR JACOBS and SARAH*  
  
MR JACOBS: Why are you still crying? Have you heard the good news yet, David?  
  
MRS JACOBS: He has refused.  
  
MR JACOBS: *turns light red* WHAT? We have found the finest man for him to marry, and still he refuses? How ungrateful!  
  
DAVID: Thanks, but no thanks.  
  
MR JACOBS: *turns light purple* How dare you! You stupid, ignorant-  
  
MRS JACOBS: Now, Meyer, are you mad?  
  
DAVID: Now, dad, if you'd just listen to what I said.  
  
MR JACOBS: Why should I listen to you? Why can't you just do what we tell you, like your sister? Even the dog is better trained than you are!  
  
SARAH: Dad, aren't you being a little harsh?  
  
MR JACOBS: Hold your tongue, Sarah!  
  
SARAH: Why can't we speak?  
  
MR JACOBS: Go gossip with your friends. Go!  
  
MRS JACOBS: This is bad for your blood pressure, you know.  
  
MR JACOBS: We raise him, feed him, love him, and find him a perfect match. And what does he say? I won't! If you don't marry him, you can go out on the streets and starve! Hah! That would serve you right!  
  
*exit MR JACOBS*  
  
DAVID: Please, mother! If you don't stop this marriage, just make me a nice bed. Next to Skittery's.  
  
*exit MRS JACOBS*  
  
DAVID: Sarah, what can I do? This is awful!  
  
SARAH: That Spot is pretty cute, and you must admit that you're in pretty deep trouble if you don't marry him.  
  
DAVID: You think so?  
  
SARAH: Yes.  
  
DAVID: Sarah, you're amazing!  
  
SARAH: Huh?  
  
*DAVID rises*  
  
DAVID: I just need to go down to Denton's and make sure he can write an article announcing the wedding.  
  
SARAH: That was quick. I'll tell dad.  
  
*SARAH exits*  
  
DAVID: I know Denton can help me get to Jack! I know it!  
  
*DAVID exits*  
  
*END SCENE*  
  
SHOUTOUTS: TO THELONEREED:  
  
Aguachica: Great job on your quiz! When I took my Romeo and Juliet quiz, I had stayed up late the last night, and I wrote that it took place in the 19th century! I was so embarrassed! Almost as embarrassed as this week. I took a Catherwood quiz and said the book took place in the 15th century, when it really took place in the 1700s. I guess I'm just not good with dates.  
  
TO SHIMMERWINGS:  
  
Aguachica: Shimmerwings reviewed my fic. *blinkblink*  
  
Blink!muse: Here she goes again. . .  
  
Aguachica: Shimmerwings reviewed my fic. . . *blinkblink* *THUD*  
  
Mush!muse: *carries off an unconscious Aguachica*  
  
Blink!muse: She really likes your stories, Shimmerwings! She reads "The Best Part of Chicken Soup" at least once a week! She also loves "Sketches of Love" and "Winter Musings"! She loves all your fics! I'm sure she'll tell you how much she loves them as soon as she wakes up. . . 


End file.
